Lost

tracks2

“I’m lost.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I am.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because I don’t know where I am.”

“You’re here!”

“But where’s here?”

“Why does it matter? Where do you want to be?”

“That’s the point. I don’t know where here is; and I don’t know where I . . . Well, actually, I do know where I want to be, and I’m not there.”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t. That’s what’s so confusing. I’m not sure I can really explain it.

“You see, I look around and I’m in a jungle between lots of trees with a dense fog, all around. There’s no clear path out. I can’t even work out how I got here. Yet I’m also not sure that I don’t want to be here. I mean, it could be said that I’m here by choice, couldn’t it. So, if I’m here by choice, I probably want to be here. But why would I want to be here?”

“Why do you think you want to be here?”

“I don’t know. Am I hiding from something? Or someone? Who? I feel like I’m hiding from . . . myself! Why would I do that? Am I trying to deceive myself? Why? There’s something I need to do and . . . and I’m afraid to do it; somewhere I have to go, but I’m afraid to go there.”

“”Where do you have to go? And what do you have to do?”

“I have no idea.

“Well, actually, that’s not quite true. I have to go inside and search.”

“Inside? Inside what?”

“Not what? Who? I have to go inside myself. And that’s scary.”

“Not many people can do that.”

“Tell me something I don’t know. Too many people go off to ‘find themselves’ and never come back. No wonder it’s scary.

“Yet, really, I know where I am. I’m here; wherever here is. I’m not really lost. I know where I am; I’m here. I just don’t know where here is.”

“If you did know where ‘here’ is, what would you do with that information? After all, you said there are no visible paths. So it would not matter which direction you go in.”

“True. But at least . . . at least if I’m moving, it would be easier to turn.”

“Interesting.”

“And I’ll never find my way unless I can see where I’m headed for.

“I suppose the real question is where I want to be headed for. If I’m searching for myself, and I know I’m here, then haven’t I already found myself? Haven’t I already reached my destination?

“No. That’s not quite true. The idea of a destination suggests that the journey will end. Yet the journey never ends, does it. Life goes on and the journey doesn’t end. After all, once we reach our destination we look around for somewhere else to go. The journey never ends. And, since I know that I’m here, this is just a stopping off point on my journey.

“So why can I not see which way to go? Because I have no clear direction? Where do I want to be? No. Why do I want to be here?”

“Good question. Why do you want to be here?”

“Because I need a rest. I need some time without the demands of other people tugging at my resources. Yet I also don’t want to ignore the needs of those who matter to me. That’s why I’m afraid to search for myself – I don’t want to lose those I care about.”

“And yet you know where you are.”

“So I don’t need to search! I’m here.

“And the mist is clearing. Mist? Fog? What’s the difference? It’s clearing. There is always a path between the trees. It may not be a well-worn path, but it’s still a path. It’s a path I have to make for myself. It’s my life; my journey; my path.”

“So what does that mean?”

“It means I know where I am. And I know where I’m going.

“I’m here, and I’m going to keep going. I’m simply going to walk between two trees and keep going.

“That’s strange.”

“What is?”

“Where did that path come from? Did I just make that path? Yes. It’s my path.”

“Where does it lead?”

“Wherever I want it to lead. I am in control of my life. I can choose to stay here or I can choose to move on. It’s my choice.”

“And what have you chosen?”

“To move on.”

“Where to?”

“Wherever my journey takes me . . . No . . . Wherever I want to go. And I want to go and look after those I care about; which includes myself. After all, I’m actually in a clearing between trees.

Now, look between those two trees. What do you see?”

“It’s not about what I see. It’s about what you see. But I see a path.”

“ Of course you do. It may not be much of a path, but it’s my path. It’s my way forward. Thanks for listening.

“So. Are you coming?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Not really.”


If you have seen this, previously, on my other blog, I apologise. I am moving everything to this blog in order to simplify my life in harmony with minimalist principles!

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15 thoughts on “Lost

  1. Did you write this, Michael? Pretty fantastic. Congratulations on moving to one blog. I hope you enjoy the simplicity.

    Hmm. I like this process, Michael. But then again, I don’t. Do you want to know why?

    I suppose I don’t like it because it proves once again that I’ve allowed the fear of the unknown hold me back. I want to continue on in my journey but where will it lead?

    I see my path. I want the path. I actually see that the path also needs me. I see good coming from this path. I see strength in this path.

    I’m making it a point to walk deliberately down my path this year. Honestly? It scares the heck out of me, yet it’s all I see. So on I go, right? A journey. Tis what we’re here for in the end. It goes back to the discussion on belief. At the end of the day, He’ll calm me.

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    • Thanks Audrey. And yes, I did write it. I think we can all feel like this at times.

      Life can sometimes be what happens when we are not looking. Walking our path deliberately doesn’t mean forging ahead without caring. In fact, it’s the tentativeness that demonstrates our humble willingness to be led. And that humility, in turn, gives us confidence.

      Once again, I must thank you for giving me an idea for my next long post. Watch this space 🙂

      Like

      • Does it make sense to say that I feel I’ve put too much care into “forging ahead”? I’m an over thinker, it seems. A dreamer, possibly.

        “…humility, in turn, gives us confidence. ” An interesting way of looking at things, Michael.

        I almost didn’t comment on your post tonight in fear that I would sound lost and ridiculous. I couldn’t help myself, once again. Looking forward to reading your newest thoughts. 🙂

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      • No, Audrey, you don’t sound lost or ridiculous. You sound like someone who has an open mind, ready to listen to all the diverse points of view before making up your own mind. That’s far better than either blindly following the crowd, or ploughing ahead, regardless.

        Like

      • I’ve been a bit busy over the last few weeks, mainly with flu! But I’m starting to catch up now. I feel it’s a bit naughty to have people visit my blog and not visit back. But I have hundreds to catch up with!

        Sorry to keep you awake so late. I didn’t realise my words could have such an effect. 🙂

        Like

      • Ugh. Flu. Glad you are better. This is my first holiday season as a blogger and yes, it’s very hard to keep up. I’ve been up to that today, as well.

        You wrote an interesting conversation, what can I say. 🙂 It’s a nice way to use my “last up late night” before I have to be well rested to resume teaching.

        Like

  2. Hmmmm…this one makes me want to think more about…well…everything. But first I think I’ll take a nap. *g*
    Intriguing, Michael.

    Ron

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  3. This is fab Michael. You have sustained the thought process very well. You know a path is not found till one understands oneself. I feel that everything begins with this understanding. No wonder people choose “this” path or “that” path and never get anywhere, or perhaps get lost, because they have no hold on themselves, no knowledge of themselves. What will they search for if they don’t know what they want? I pay a lot of importance to understanding one’s own self, mainly because of this path theory. This is what I have freshly tweeted too:

    #The greatest injustice. I don’t know myself.

    #Understanding life and understanding oneself is a simultaneous process.

    I keep writing such crazy little things on twitter:https://twitter.com/Sounds_of_Life7

    Like

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